MARRIAGE PREPARATION
Let us begin with facts:
Fact #1 According to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri; " 50% of all first marriages end in divorce, and 20% of those divorces occur in the first two years. 67% of second and 74% of third marriages also end in divorce”.
Fact #2 Many divorces occur partly because couples are not prepared for marriage. Most couples spend more time preparing for the wedding ceremony than for their marriage relationship. In fact, most people prepare more to obtain a driver’s license than a marriage license.
Fact #3 Research indicates that the earlier a couple identifies their strengths and differences and learn practical skills - talking, listening, and conflict-resolving skills - for dealing collaboratively with life's issues, the better their chances are for building a satisfying, viable, and lasting relationship.
Premarital Counseling isn't just about problem relationships or solving problems in a relationship, it is about making healthy preparation for a satisfying marriage that will last over time.
Why Marriage Preparation?
There are lots of books, magazine articles and other resources to assist the bride in planning a beautiful wedding. But, how do you go about preparing for a great marriage? Many couples say, “We’re not perfect, but we’re in love.” They echo the old Beatles’ song that chants “All we need is love… love is all we need.” But, is love enough?
With 1 out of 2 marriages ending in divorce, and many others being described as “less than happy” or “not satisfying” it would seem that marriage can be a challenge. The reality is that while couples may seem to get along “OK” and while a man and woman may be “in love,” it takes more than love to build a lasting, satisfying marriage. It takes an understanding of each other and of the dynamics of intimate relationships as well as the ability to effectively use relationship skills. Couples that participate in marriage preparation seem to have a higher degree of marital satisfaction and a lower divorce rate.1t’s only reasonable that people who are in love and committed to building a strong marriage would seek out the best resources available to assist them.
What is Marriage Preparation?
Effective marriage preparation is an interactive process between a couple planning to marry and a marriage educator or counselor. It is life related skill based and practical.
Goals of the process may include:
• Deepening understanding of self and one’s partner (Including, the effect of personality, family of origin, personal values and life experiences).
• Clarifying expectations, desires and goals. • Identifying the relationship’s “working model” and understanding the implications.
• Identifying strength and growth areas and formulating a plan for development.
• Learning skills that can enhance communication and conflict resolution as well as nurture intimacy.
The process of premarital counseling or marriage preparation may often be done in six sessions that may range from 60-75 minutes each. In addition some projects such as viewing a video or reading material for discussion outside of the sessions may be required. If the couple desires, additional sessions may be added in order to deal more deeply with a particular interest or need. Also, individual counseling may be incorporated in the process to deal with personal issues.
The process of premarital counseling or marriage preparation may often be done in six sessions that may range from 60-75 minutes each. In addition some projects such as viewing a video or reading material for discussion outside of the sessions may be required. If the couple desires, additional sessions may be added in order to deal more deeply with a particular interest or need. Also, individual counseling may be incorporated in the process to deal with personal issues.
Written and submitted by
Caleb J Migombo, MDiv, MSW, MFT Cert.
